Married life

In my shed. Listening to the Westminster Hour on R4, with half an ear. Bedding on the floor, water by my side, precious things in the suitcase, ready for a runner.

Options - stick it out, it'll blow over, we've been here before.

Run away, slowly. Give everything that's left to Pol, think of a place to go, leave, on foot, with my world on my back.

Find a room in Coggeshall, and live there. Arggh! I'll have to get my own broadband.

Kill myself. I wouldn't mind, I don't think. Children and some friends might.

Actually I'd rather not. I'm quite excited about Top Truck Storage, Top Cars, even Top Trucks Transport. I'd like to see if they work out.

Surrender. Go to AA meetings, stop drinking, beg, be really good, hope that does the trick. But in my heart of hearts, I'm not sure she gives a fuck, she'd just like to see me out of here . . . or I'd just like to be out of here.

I think I'll watch the Promise Pt 2 and go to bed.

Watch this space . . .

Blair vs Hitchens on the good that religion does

Radio 4 - Monday 13.Dec.2010 3pm.

Blair should not have sought to defend "Religion" i.e the institutions. Hitchens is quite right to attack "Religions" for their attitudes to sex, sexuality, women etc. Blair should have said he agreed with everything Hitchens had to say, but then said there is more to faith or spirituality than is imagined or conceded in Hitchens' world view.

Conceptual Art

Art - craft, aesthetics and beauty
Conceptual Art - jokes, philosophy, politics, perception, consciousness

Confession time

How meditation did and didn't help me face my alcoholism
I came from a drinking family and a drinking culture. My parents nicknamed me “Booze” when I was a tiny baby, I was so desperate for my bottle (my mother tried breast feeding me but could not produce enough milk so I started life starving). I probably had my first drink when I was twelve. At fourteen I went on my first bender. By my twenties I had learnt how to drink 'responsibly' and only occasionally got pie-eyed or behaved inappropriately. I started a career, got married, brought up a family. Each year, the amount I drank steadily increased. It was just a habit, something I did every day. Not getting drunk, usually, just going up to bed relaxed and happy.

Seeing separation

Meditation am 6.sep.10
A moment, barely more than a split second (it never is more, the mind snaps shut like a trap) when I see that You are right here, closer than this, that what separates is inifinitesimally small. The slightest desire, effort, anything, takes me away from You. And that You are a shape shifter, a joker, a thing of paradox. That when you said “Hate your father and mother, sisters and brothers” that was no linguistic mis-translation from Hebrew (Fr Barry said Hebrew could only do black and white, cannot express preference or like this better than that, that Mathhew put it better than Luke) – that is the truth – we have to turn away from everything to find You and the Kingdom – from all separateness, distinction, duality, will – we have to let go of the world, to find the Source of the world, we have to be One as You and your Father are One.And that’s how it all starts, that is what is at the heart of the Big Bang – separation and duality, out of the Singularity.

Nada

Wednesday 21 July 2010

apatheia - to depression, horror - there is nothing else, nothing left - even this is empty

and that HeSheIt is even there, in and beyond that death

The number 17

Yesterday, Ash Wednesday 17th February 2010 was the 31st anniversary of my marriage to Sukie, my first wife. 17 is a prime number, as is 2 and 1979. And 1 + 9 = 10, 1 + 0= 1, 1 + 7 = 8, 8 + 9 = 17, which is odd in a nice sort of way. 17 has always seemed to be a good number or a date on which things happen to me, and I just like it. In the same way perhaps as the late great Douglas Adams had a thing for 42 (or did he?).