Monday, 6 September 2010
Meditation am 6.sep.10
A moment, barely more than a split second (it never is more, the mind snaps shut like a trap) when I see that You are right here, closer than this, that what separates is inifinitesimally small. The slightest desire, effort, anything, takes me away from You. And that You are a shape shifter, a joker, a thing of paradox. That when you said “Hate your father and mother, sisters and brothers” that was no linguistic mis-translation from Hebrew (Fr Barry said Hebrew could only do black and white, cannot express preference or like this better than that, that Mathhew put it better than Luke) – that is the truth – we have to turn away from everything to find You and the Kingdom – from all separateness, distinction, duality, will – we have to let go of the world, to find the Source of the world, we have to be One as You and your Father are One.And that’s how it all starts, that is what is at the heart of the Big Bang – separation and duality, out of the Singularity.
I only want to write about it to leave a mark, a clue, something for soemone else to find and say “I know what that’s about, that’s the Truth, that’s where I need to keep going to”. Really the only thing to do is meditate.
I see also how love, complete, all consuming devotion, is the way in, the way round little me and all its bitty preoccupations and boredoms and desires and fears. And I’m not sure that this rather cold, deliberate stilling of the mind, without that love and devotion, even though I saw so clearly this morning, and have at other moments, and have seen the lake of Love, the great shimmering sea of mercury that lies beneath all we little clouds of ash and dust, that only wants to know Itself having lost Itself in separation, the great game, Lila. So I have that feeling that I am the little lame boy who won’t quite make it with all the other children who followed the Pied Piper in to the cave. Which is despair, perhaps, and a sin.